Turf MUD

Turf Meet Quotes

Oxford Turfmeet, November 2001

Reading a sign about braziers.
Karzan: Use of brassieres is at your own risk.

Karzan: My biggest problem with this country is that they don't sell shoelaces in obvious places; and even when they do, they're deceptive shoelaces.

Wychwood (about YogSothoth): He was just jumping up and down, bouncing forlornly on the end of this stick.

Arcita: For a while I had some VERY BIG knickers, but they dissolved.

Mtf: I get the impression that there have been too many Turfmeets.
Mtf's glass explodes spontaneously.
Mtf (to his new glass of coke): I think Turf Meets are absolutely fabulous!

Fastjack: Why do we have no sex change spell on Turf?
Mtf: Because we have talker elements.

Cera (to Karzan): Do you know what money is?

Passing a store.
Karzan: Office Angels ... does that sound like an escort service to anyone else?

Mtf (on falling into a puddle): Mtf creates a spring.

Fastjack: My balls are escaping!

Fastjack: Actually, I prefer going around nude.

Dublin Turfmeet, September 2000

Jaffa: It's a bit like castrating people so they keep their voice.

Jaffa: Do you actually find that chair comfortable sitting there in the corner with the damp?
Fastjack: It smells a little.

Mango: I'm having trouble telling green from pink.
Fastjack: There is no pink...

Fastjack: Yay! The game, in all its benevolence has decided not to kill me!
Fastjack: Ooops.

On the way to the airport with Fastjack's enourmous box
Fastjack: Are you sure you can carry that?
Cera: Of course, I wouldn't have taken it if - *whump*

Coniston Turfmeet, August 2000

Karzan: Hey, is that one of those breast-milk substitute bisuits?

Karzan: Are the people at that other table talking about good-looking sheep?
Zartid: What about good-looking sheep?

Fastjack: Karzan gets very gesticulative like this when he's drunk.
Karzan: 'Gesticulative', that sounds like it has something to do with gesticles or something...

Playing How to be a Complete *...
Fastjack: Too bad about that pair of underpants.
Brine: They just didn't stretch enough for you, did they?

After playing How to be a Complete *...
Fastjack: It's just feels very odd having someone nuzzling your armpit.

Bazza: Kano is a character in Mortal Kombat.
Karzan: Which character?
Bazza: Kano.

At night on the way back to the tents from the toilets
Brine: Those clouds do look very dark...
Karzan: Everything looks very dark...

On the beach after a few (in most cases, many in one case) pints.
Karzan apologising to Brine for being so drunk.
Brine: Its okay, but please stop talking to me shoulder.

On the (sharply curved) M6 slip road to Lancaster in Zartid's car at 75 mph.

Lancaster Turfmeet, October 1999

Playing Therapy...
Mango: So tell me, James, which player is most likely to have read the Kama Sutra?
Fastjack: What's the Kama Sutra?

At the obscene statue of Queen Victoria
Loon: I thought it was supposed to be Queen Victoria...
Karzan: That puts a whole new spin on "off with his head".

Discussing lunch, following the suggestion of the Fish and Chips nearby
Karzan: Do they have chips there?

During dinner
Karzan: This is really good.
Mango: What?!
Karzan: Or maybe I'm just really bad at cooking...

Oxford Turfmeet, Saturday 24th June 1995

Psymon: The problem is, there's no tobacco really, in it ...
Hiero and Rick: Problem ... problem??

Herring (right next to microphone): Is it recording?
Gwrach: There's always someone on every recording who stands right next to it and goes "Is it recording?"
Hiero: Hello? Hello?
Thrud: And it's always the bright one of the group.

Unattributed: Poor old Psymon's sitting in the corner rolling joint after joint...
Unattributed: Lucky *.

Hiero (to Rick and Gwrach): So, you'll be on the same train but carriages apart ... so it'll be like "SO, WHAT DID YOU THINK??"

After a photo Jagaloth: Excellent, I must be stoned, I'm seeing flashes of light!

Hiero: Whose is that head I'm treading on?

Handing round joint
Unattributed: This does not happen at Turf meetings.
Unattributed: This is what we didn't do at a Turfmeet.

Oxford Turfmeet, Saturday 24th June 1995 : The Morning After...

Herring: I just woke up and thought "Why the * am I sleeping in a cupboard?"

Hiero: The candle turned into a bonfire...and a conflagaration [sic].

Rone: I think someone's eaten my shoes.
Psymon: I probably ate them ... my mouth feels like it.
Hiero: If you thought you were eating leather, that was the kebab, mate.
Druss: I ate some of the paper bag and didn't notice.
Hiero: After you finish eating it you think ... "I'm sure I had a paper bag and a plastic fork."

Regarding Rone's lost fleece
Rone: You slept on it?
Thrud: Oh ... was that the thing against the wall?
Hiero: Was that a nice pillow? And do you drool much?
Thrud: I got a proper pillow ... something with feathers in anyway.
Herring: You mean a duck?
Hiero: No, a duck has feathers on, not in ... an inside-out duck perhaps.

Thrud: *! I didn't see the new adventures of Superman yesterday.

Herring: Don't sleep with a can of beer on your stomach.
Rick: Man who sleep with can of beer, get wet bottom.
Hiero: Sleep with can of beer, get wet bottom you will.

Herring: I didn't bring my cow out once.
Thrud: Yeah you did bring it out, sorry ...
Rick: It's big, it's plastic, and it's in my hand.
Thrud: And it's not my cow ...
Herring (confused): What, someone else's???

Unattributed: I think everyone's lost something ...
Gwrach: Sleep.
Rick: Sanity ... brain cells, my remaining few ...
Hiero: I've lost my central left liver lobe.

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